The elusive Appalachian White Squirrels says, "Yuns better get the fuck outta my way afore I open up a can o' whoop ass on yer hell damn hed, fuckers!" The Appalachian White Squirrel is ornery and prone to outbursts. 

More about "yuns"...

Many of you non-southerners are likely familiar with the commonly used southern word "y'all". I have heard northerners claim that we use this word as both the singular and plural second person pronoun, but the truth is that we do use "you" when addressing a single person. "Y'all", which is merely the slurring (in typical southern fashion) of the phrase "you all", is only used when addressing a group of people. Southerners recognized that using "you" to address either 1 person or a group of people is imprecise and confusing. Confusion leads to embarrassment, and it has been my experience that most southerners seek to avoid unintentional embarrassment. Please note that intentional embarrassment is always welcome and amusing.

So, "y'all" is pretty widespread throughout the southern states, much like kudzu, grits, and sweet tea. What the hell is "yuns", then? Well, it is understood that "yuns" is a contraction of "you ones", being the Scots-Irish hillbilly variant of "you all". I've only ever heard "yuns" used in certain hilly pockets of Tennessee, marking the word as a remnant of a distinct and nearly vanished mountain culture, or at least that has always been my assumption. I'm sure the last "yuns" holdouts will soon be paved over by new Wal-Mart Supercenters, so that before long the entire south will be just one bland slightly twangier version of every other suburban strip-mall district in the United States. (Rant alert!!!) Right now, I defy you to drive around in suburban Charlotte, Atlanta, Nashville, Little Rock, Memphis, etc, and tell me what is distinct, what is unique to those suburbs. In the cities you can sometimes find unique southern institutions, and in the smaller towns and remaining countryside you can, but the suburbs are all the same, everywhere you go in America. I blame McDonald's, Wal-Mart, the military-industrial complex, Republicans, and Applebee's (just because I hate Applebee's). And that mother-fucker Jarred and his damn Subway. Actually, I like Subway. Okay, I blame Quizno's and that freaky talking baby, who is so much shittier than the spongemonkeys, who had the advantage of being both really weird ANd English (which, actually, may be the same thing). We love the moon!!!

Southern boy, but...

I am a southern boy. Born in the south, raised in the south. I like barbecue and corn bread and sweet tea and RC cola and Moon-Pies. I drive a pick'em-up truck. Hell, even as I type this I am listening to the Country Gentlemen and drinking George Dickel Tennessee whisky (no "e"). I am a southern boy. But. I don't hunt. I don't fish. I don't really give two shits about football, or baseball, or basketball. I'm a Democrat. I'm a liberal. Legalize drugs, ban war, keep your hands off of other people's bodies and your laws out of their bedrooms. So, in other words, I'm not exactly what one might think of when they visualize a thirty-something southern male. I do not have a shotgun or a rebel flag. Matter of fact, I'm not sure why some people want to fly those flags. (Yes, we lost a war 140 years ago. A bunch of stuff has happened since then. The telephone. The automobile. Aeroplanes. Several major wars. Halo I and II. Lots of stuff has happened since 1865. Time to give it up, pack it in. Come with us and join the 21st century.) My point is that you can't take a map of the United States, paint parts of it red and parts of it blue, and make sweeping statements about the people who happen to live in the red states and those who happen to live in the blue ones. No, we all don't watch NASCAR and go to a Southern Baptist Church on Sunday. Some of us are eating Indian food, playing XBox, listening to bluegrass, reading David Sedaris (a known homosexual-type). And yes, we pretty much all wear shoes down here.

I promised you a picture of a beer-drinkin sock money... 

The Ornery Tennessean

I love Tennessee. It is my birthplace and my home. That said, I don't really care much for western Tennessee, and even less for southwestern Tennessee, which is unfortunate, since that is where I currently reside. It's too flat here, too hot in the summers, and the people here don't pronounce their words properly. And I've never once heard anyone from here use the word "yuns" in a sentence (as in, "Do yuns want to go git some Krystal burgers, or just stay here at the house and eat fried boloney sammiches?"). I'm from Knoxville, in the foothills of the Smokeys. I expect to here some damn twang in your voice when you talk at me. I like to see hazy mountains on the horizon, wood smoke in the air. But, here I am for now.

The plan is to high-tail it out of here by the end of the year. Me and my woman have sorted and sussed and landed on Greenville, South Carolina, as our probable next home. It's a lot like Knoxville, in many respects, but better in many ways. The Blue Ridge mountains are close by, but the beach is also just a few hours away. Greenville's downtown is quite a bit more impressive than Knoxville's, though Greenville doesn't have any grand old theater downtown to match Knoxville's Bijou and Tennessee. Still, it's a pretty damn good town. And hey, you can get Cheerwine in any store. And Bojangle's, their pretty good. Knoxck the pants off of Popeye's any day.

No Tara Reid pics

The thing is, I don't have any naked photos to post. I don't have any naked photos, and I don't have any celebrity gossip. I do have a picture of a sock monkey drinking a beer, though. And he's completely pants-less!

Pie

Um, I guess this is my first post. I like pie.