Like the Anheuser-Busch of lower quality, disreputable beers
As we all know, the world can be a complex and confusing place. On occasion, the mechanisms and processes of our planet can be so complex as to seem completely lacking in any kind of real order whatsoever. Of course, we know that this perception is but an illusion. The world does have an order. Things, it turns out, do make sense.
An example: All these many years, I have been under the misapprehension that the truly bad American beers, the Olympias and Black Labels and PBRs lurking in the corners of beer coolers across this great land, were brewed by individual, unaffiliated terrible beer companies. This morning I discovered, much to my excitement and relief, that every single truly bad beermaker in the US is a division of Pabst. For me, this discovery is akin to finding conclusive proof that the Freemasons, working with the Knights Templar, really ARE behind every significant world event of the past 1000 years. No longer must I labor under the misconception that cheap, terrible beer just happens. No, now I know that Pabst is to blame. Pabst is behind it all. I wonder if the Fanta soft drink company is somehow affiliated with Pabst. Now, that would just friggin blow my mind.
posted by Chauntelle at 5/18/2005 09:43:00 AM
4 Comments:
I know that you're not bustin' on PBR...there is a time & place for everything. And when you're throwing darts (real ones, the kind with pointy ends that WILL poke your eye out!) in a bar filled with descendants of the Mayans and the Incas, in San Antonio, drinking PBR ON DRAUGHT in a giant glass mug that weighs more than P-Cat's head...well, my friends. THAT'S good drinks. Of course, halfway through said beverage, you'd probably think anything was good.....But that's not my point.
10:48 AM, May 18, 2005
Looking at the Pabst website (click on the heading!), I am strangely curious about Blatz beer, and Lucky Lager. Sort of like that outlet on the wall without the plastic thingys covering them. You KNOW it's gonna hurt when you put your fingers in there, but somehow, you just can't resist....that's how I feel about Blatz & Lucky Lager. I've never had them. Never seen them. Don't really like beer...but if they were on the shelf, or up for offer, I'd have to try it....even though I know that they'd be truly terrible. Just so that I could say that I had them. Of course, I'd probably have to brush my teeth for a week to get the taste out of my mouth.
10:53 AM, May 18, 2005
Wow, I must say that I'm really surprised and a little scared at the level of enthusiasm for Pabst brand beer products. Understand that I have a soft spot for many of these beers myself. By my count, I've had at least 4 of the beers mentioned (PBR, Olympia, Black Label, and Rainier). They were all watery and weak, and I loved them all. Something about drinking bad beer makes you feel good inside. I can remember many occasions in the past when I would buy a siz-pack of Olympia and a pack of generic cigarettes and just GO TO TOWN. Maybe swing by Taco Hell on the way home and pick up a 7 layer burrito. All of this just to see how much terrible cheap crap my body could put up with. Good times.
I am sorry that beers with names like Pabst and Schlitz and Blatz and Stroh's have been pushed aside by the Busch and Miller and Coors brands. Perhaps these names began to seem a little too, um, gastrointestinal to consumers, thus causing the beers to fall out of favor. Maybe Americans are no longer able to popularly consume a beverage whose name is evocative of a sound one's body might make after too many beef Meximelts.
11:59 AM, May 18, 2005
I have found that most cheap beers can give you a case of the runny poo if drunk in large quantities.
12:48 PM, May 18, 2005
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